The Lies That Almost Destroyed Me.
Let’s stop the pretending. This post is not going to be shallow, but really vulnerable. So, if you’re not so sure about open vulnerability, you may not want to continue any further. This post is completely filled with honesty about the lies that consumed my mind, my life, and how they almost destroyed me. I encourage you to continue scrolling and think of your own lies or how these may impact your own life. And most importantly, don’t let these lies consume you, but allow them lead you into repentance.
1. The Lie of Doubt
I believed God had failed me.
I let my doubts speak louder than my assurances. I believed that the disappearance of healing meant God wasn’t good and he didn’t have my best interest. How do you trust God in the midst of painful circumstances? I had to deal with one of these three things. A healing that came and left my body, a healing that was present for a little while or (gulp) a healing that never came to begin with. I learned the difficult lesson of God’s goodness. Just because this doesn’t feel so good right now doesn’t necessarily mean that the Lord isn’t good.
“I have hope because although this is currently a part of my story, I know my story isn’t over. And my friend, yours isn’t either!”
— Sarah Brown
Truth: the Lord is good even when I walk in the middle of an unkind season. And the Lord speaks so much differently than the Enemy or the world around me. Praise God! So, this might have been a lie that consumed my mind and filled my heart but it did not take residence for long because the Lord speaks truth in our inner parts. I hear from the Lord: "My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but my continual Presence with you is an absolute promise.” For about 2-3 months I wrestled in tension with the Lord and His good intentions. I wondered if he knew what was good for me. I wondered if he really had my best interest in mind. What is goodness? Am I even receiving it? I learned to sit with this statement: He is good. Even though this season is not. The Lord gave me the freedom to sit on the floor crying, lamenting, yelling, questioning, and wondering. But it was meant to be momentarily. God is good and doubts are necessary in becoming our true selves and knowing the true God. Yet, much like our tears, doubts are momentary.
"It's okay to cry but we are not called to stay there." - Alex Seeley
2. The Lie of Inadequacy
I believed physical beauty is more important than inward beauty.
I believed in the promise of a flat stomach. I believed in the promise of flawless skin. I believed that what people see on the outside is more important than what people learn to see inwardly.This just isn’t true.But this a lie that is so easy to believe. And the sad thing is that I have adopted this lie at a young age. I believed in this perfect image and I hadn’t attained it yet. And no matter how many different meal plans I tried or workouts I implemented, there was always another piece that I felt was unwanted or needed to be fixed. And we honestly live in a culture where it is embedded within each of us to feel this way. So, when this thought comes into our minds, we just affirm that this is completely normal. But that is self-criticism and we are deceiving ourselves when we think such thoughts against ourselves. I learned the hard lesson that I was never going to be satisfied with my body unless I moved forward with a new perspective. See, I would keep on being unsatisfied as long as I let myself stay fixated on what society says instead of on what Jesus says. He says that I am worth so much more. He says that I am adored, beautiful, and deeply loved.
“God doesn’t love a future version of you. He loves you.”
— Matt Chandler
I had to learn how to see my body in a healthy way both physically and emotionally. It was all about adopting a perspective dedicated to understanding my relationship with my body. What is my relationship to my body today?It is of strength and devotion. I choose to treat my body with kindness and care. See, there is not a single person who loves me because of my body. This is not because I am not beautiful or that my body doesn't look great. Because it does. I mean, God created my outward being, so, of course, it is great. They love me, and I have friends because of what is reflected through my character and personality. See, when you put your heart first and treat your inner beauty with kindness and care, it begins to radiate throughout your entire being. Really you simply love yourself because you know yourself and this is the key to happiness, satisfaction, and the key to the perfect body. Have you tried it lately?
"She talked to God daily and that is what made her lovely." - unknown
God is the true designer and He alone knows what needs fixed. Just like the designer of a car would know what is wrong with his model and how to fix its quirks, how much more would the true designer of our being know how to care for our bodies?Be kind to yourself! You deserve it. Be kind to yourself because God has created you and he indeed does not make mistakes. God has created you and says that it is good, all is well, and you are admired exactly for who you are. So, look to the true designer for wisdom and not to the world. The world lies, but God is filled with honesty. He will not lie to you. He will never tire of you. Trust in the one who designed you. He knows.
3. The Lie of Self-Doubt
I believed my opinion doesn't matter.
I believed that no matter what comes out of my mouth, it is not important. I believed it was better to be still and stay quiet because no one really wants to hear what I have to say. How many of us have rested in this lie?I think that one of my greatest fears is that of debate. I don't really want to be challenged by what I might say or think. I don't particularly want to challenge other people either. But there has been something that I have heard recently that has become a great truth that can defeat this lie. Opinions are not necessarily facts. Just because I believe something in a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that it is universally true. In the same way, just because you have an opinion doesn't mean it is necessarily true. Opinions are a way of expressing your heart to those around you. They don't have to accept it, but if they truly care and appreciate you, then they will respect it. And I also believe that one of the most freeing truths is that it is okay to not have an opinion. I don't need to be pressured to share a thought just for the sake of sharing. It is perfectly fine to not have an opinion. I do not need to feel shame when I do not have an opinion to share. But I also do not need to feel shame for sharing an opinion with others even if people do not share the same thoughts. If people are shaming you for your thoughts or beliefs, then maybe you need to look for other friends. Respect is the key to trust which develops a truly deep friendship. Find a person who will respect you enough to listen and challenge you with even deeper questions about what you believe.
4. The Lie of Failure
I believed I need to have control.
I believed in perfection. I believed in success. I believed that if I do not have it all together, then I have failed in a drastic way. I live with a chronic auto-immune disease. Maybe you've heard of it: Type 1 Diabetes. I bet you have never heard of it described in this way. Well, we all have our misconceptions. And, unfortunately, people have strange misconceptions about this disease. But let me just give you the rundown that will help you to better understand. T1D is an autoimmune disease in which insulin-producing beta cells in the pancreas are mistakenly destroyed by the body's immune system. And the diagnosed individuals are dependent on injected insulin to survive. So, it is a daily battle of highs and lows (literally). I believe I need to be in control of my body every single hour of every single day. And the high numbers show when I have failed, but so do the lows. So, when I try and fail, I blame myself and carry the shame of what I literally cannot control. This is exhausting. This is my battle with perfectionism.
"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is not a defensive move. It's the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen." -Brené Brown, Daring Greatly.
Perfection is important to me in a lot of different ways. I like it when I have written the perfect paper with all the right words. I like it when I have perfectly curled hair. But this disease leads me to see perfection in daily numbers that are just uncontrollable. But I believe I must be in control. This is not just a lie but a serious hindrance in my faith and my being. Perfection leads me astray and takes me away from complete trust in God. This battle with perfectionism leads me away from being seen and it leads me closer to the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. This is a lie that has really almost destroyed me, and it is one that I am still working to overcome. I'm learning to recognize that God sees success differently. I'm learning to see that God is more than adequate in the midst of our inadequacies. He is greater than our highs and lows. And mostly the Lord tells me that he sees strength in every movement and anything is progress.
"Sometimes my very bestIs only my weakest yesYou see strength in every movementBaby steps and short breathsAnything is progressYou sustain my every moment"
- Steffany Gretzinger, Oxygen.
5.The Lie of Not Being Good Enough
I believed I have failed.
There is a battle I face of constantly not feeling good enough. You didn't know this about me? That's the thing about the majority of these lies. It's really easy to hide these feelings because they are constantly thoughts that run in my mind. It is a constant battle within myself. And it is easy to hide it. Why? It's a little something called the Faking Fine Principle. This is when you pretend that everything is okay on the outside, but inwardly everything is really not okay. You might be familiar with this concept.Whenever I feel like everything is not fine, I really need to ask myself what is really going on. Although I may choose to lie to everyone around me, it is not that easy to do that with myself. The best way to be true to myself is to honestly evaluate why my heart feels this way and how I can better change it. This is not always going to be easy, but it is a discipline that I must practice. It is a discipline that will change my heart from insecurity to complete assurance. I can be fully assured of who I belong to and I can also be assured that in the middle of every mess, God is fully present.
2 Corinthians 3:4-5 – “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.
I am not good enough.I have believed that I am not good enough to be in ministry. I have believed that I am not good enough for a dating relationship. I believed I would never be a good enough writer. I believed I was not a good enough daughter. Satan is not really innovative in his way of tricking or defeating us. He actually keeps on using the same line repeatedly in order to trip us up. "I am not good enough." And somehow, we fall for it each time and we let it work. But, there is another way. There is a better way.We fill the space of this lie with the truth of gratitude. He is Enough.
All of You is more than enough for all of meFor every thirst and every needYou satisfy me with Your loveAnd all I have in You is more than enough
We become stronger by going above the lie and acknowledging the thought or belief for what it is. We simply acknowledge it - allowing it to sting, but choosing to not accept it as truth. We acknowledge its existence, but we do not dare give it the power of truth in our lives.And he says we are enough. We are more than enough. Our worth is found in Jesus Christ. You are made worthy in the blood of Jesus. He says that we are worth it...worth it enough to give up his life so we could live. And Satan comes at us with this lie over and over because he doesn't want us to live in this new life. He doesn't want us to feel the freedom of this amazing truth. You are enough. You are worthy. You are chosen. You are seen."There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. - 1 Peter 2:9
What lies have you believed? How close are those lies to destroying you? It's time to practice the discipline of repentance and combat these lies with the truth that comes through the Lord.Search for these lies and practice repentance by speaking words of blessing and honor over yourself. You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. What could small, daily practices of repentance around your self-contempt or shame look like?