The Unforgettable Detour
This year has been a whirlwind. It has been one that I haven’t really been able to process until right now. I was planning for change, but there was nothing that could quite prepare me for this kind of change.
Shall we begin?
Two weeks ago, I left the place I called home for the last four years. I left the community that built me, the place that formed me. In this same week, I was supposed to walk the stage at graduation and receive my Master of Divinity degree. This was one of the biggest milestones I had ever achieved. And in just a few weeks I was supposed to become an ordained elder in the Free Methodist church.
The key words here are supposed to. These plans that I had got sabotaged by the reality of a worldwide pandemic. I don’t think anyone saw this plot twist coming. I know I didn’t.
This reality did not just change pivotal moments and memories. It also changed the way I said goodbye to friends who were near and dear to me. It changed my daily routine and how I interacted with others. It also changed the way I ended my seminary career and my momentary Asbury lasts. The last’s that mattered to no one else but me. I said goodbye in really unexpected ways that I couldn’t have predicted at this particular time. This included saying a tearful goodbye to my best friend one more time.
Finish Seminary ✓
The end of seminary for me felt like more of a slow crawl than a sprint. It was slow and steady and I’m not even sure how I finished or if I finished well, if I’m being honest. I anticipated a lot in this last semester of seminary. But I have to say my last moments of residence in Wilmore, KY did not meet my expectations. And I'm honestly still learning to grieve this loss.
My parents questioned my level of sentimentality when they helped me move on my last day in Wilmore. It appeared to be milder than normal. I’d say I regretted the way I responded but it was hard to be super sentimental about any of it. It was really hard to know how exactly I needed to feel about all of it. There wasn’t a true ending to this season. The closure I needed wasn’t there and that felt really odd to me. Well, that was until I drove out of Wilmore for the last time with tears in my eyes.
Yes, my sentimentality is usually much higher. I hold moments in my own mental jar of memories. It’s honestly not even a theoretical mental jar. I have an entire box of every letter, card, and note that I have ever received from different people in these last four years. That’s right. If you sent me a card, it’s in a box. Just like if you gave me a gift, I will keep it because it helps me to think of you.
So, maybe I had less sentimentality about the end of this season and semester because quite honestly it wasn’t a memory I wanted to keep. Except for the really good memories that happened during quarantine. Because this was a bonding experience like none other #whathappensinquarantinestaysinquarantine. 2020 is going to be marked down in our history books, but it isn’t particularly one I want marked down in my memory bank.
It sucked and that’s really all we can say about it. It sucks and we are over it. It has taken so much from all of us and that is a communal grief we can all share. I have to say community is going to take on a completely different meaning in this next season, and I personally can't wait to see it unfold.
Ordination ✓
Who could’ve imagined that ordination would become a reality for me? To be considered worthy of such a position is so humbling. I do not take this honor lightly. I went on this journey carrying my share of fears. But tried to walk into this decision choosing to follow God’s heart over my own. I walked into it, hands wide open in surrender. Wherever this road led, I knew it would be good because He is good. But it still had its difficulties. I went on this journey scared, believing I was not good enough or adequate enough for this position. But I learned that I'm not sure anyone is completely adequate for this. We are all growing only through the power of His grace.
Unfortunately, our expectations for this particular occasion were also ramparted. I had to Zoom in to the last meeting with the two men who had mentored and coached me for the last three years. I also became officially approved by the MEG board and the bishop over Zoom. And the once official date of an ordination ceremony had to be postponed to an indefinite date. You know, because it is really difficult to plan for anything specific, especially a ceremony that ushers you into church leadership through the tradition of the laying on of hands. A ceremony that has been near and dear to my heart in the last three years and a ceremony that I have highly anticipated in this last year. But, nonetheless, it is still going to happen. I am still going to get ORDAINED in the Free Methodist Church. It is just on a different timeline. And who knows maybe this timeline has a larger significance in the grand scheme of things.
"Today's disappointment is making room for tomorrow's appointment." - Lysa TerKeurst
Sidenote: I will be one of the first candidates to be ordained by the first female bishop in the Free Methodist Church in her first year. And I think that is a really cool thought! That seems to be quite the memorable moment that will be far worth the wait.
The New Chapter
Change is inevitable in our lives. According to the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, “The only thing that is constant is change.” How true is that? Change is something that we can count on happening. Whether this is good or bad for us. There is only one way around change. It is by acknowledging it and adjusting to it by walking through it.
This isn't how it was supposed to be for me or for any of us. But we must walk through it. “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” (Alan Watts) This isn't how it was supposed to be for us but we will forever be stuck unless we move with the change around us. So I moved with it. I mean, at least I tried (as we all did). I'm not the greatest dancer, but I joined the dance of moving with change, and it was not graceful...not one bit.
One of my favorite writers that I follow sent out a blog post about delighting in the detour. She writes, "Your only certainty is God’s presence with you working all things together for your good, even when you can’t hear or see the evidence." God is still working even when we can't hear it or see anything happening. Change is hard and there is grief attached to it. I had to remind myself how we don't get to choose grief or when or how it comes, but we do get to choose how we walk through it.
Delight in the detour.
Change is not a stranger to me. I have had my share of transitions. But this next life transition is going to be one of the bigger ones I’ve had to walk through. As I process this, I face one of the biggest questions. How do you plan for a life transition in the midst of a pandemic? For I’m not just preparing for a big life change. I’m also preparing for the big hurdles that I have to jump over to reach this next destination. This next new and bright season that stands in front of me has a few obstacles of its own. And, let me tell you, I feel like I'm stumbling my way into this next life transition.
Life transition is meant to happen and they are important in our lives. We all come to such transitions in our lives. Such transitions can be hard to fully understand in the moment but there are ways for us to adjust to them. When change comes around, many people want to bury their heads under the covers, wishing it to go away. Yet there are some of us who bravely welcome such change with open arms. I want to bravely welcome this new change, this new chapter in my life.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
Socrates
I want to embrace what is happening by building on the new instead of fighting the old. This new chapter in my life includes a new job in a new city with a brand new community. All this newness cannot really be considered all that bad, can it?
I have been appointed to join the staff of Evergreen Church as an associate pastor. Evergreen Church is a faith community that has been established in Ann Arbor, MI. I will be overseeing the spiritual formation and community development of this community. I will be shepherding this community to grow deeper in their relationship with Jesus.
I have to say this move was one of the easiest decisions I have ever made. It was made with much prayer and discernment. All of the pieces fit and all of the dots just connected together. This is exactly where the Lord needs me to be and He couldn't have been any clearer about it. I love this community. I love Ann Arbor, and I cannot wait to begin to join the Lord in His work.
But all this transition just leads me to quoting Frozen II as I begin to walk through it. "Just when you think you've found your way, life will throw you into a new path. Don't give up and just do the next right thing."
We need to control what we can which entails our own hearts and attitudes in this situation. Maybe God wants to do something through us in this time. Maybe we need to learn to find delight in this detour. Maybe we just need to persevere and do the next right thing.
This next right thing, this wonderful new chapter is going to challenge me. But I also believe it is going to be one of the best seasons of my life. Everything this season has to offer is exciting, but it is also really scary. All of my close friends keep reminding me how brave they believe I am and how excited they are for me. Am I really as brave as they think I am? I feel like I understood the excitement of all that was ahead, and left the fear at bay. In this last month or so, fear crept itself back in. The fear really started to kick in gear. It isn't a bad fear or a debilitating fear. Just the normal fear in regards to transition. As I packed up things, I started to realize how different my life was about to be. I am about to move into a new city and a new state all on my own. What was I thinking? How can I possibly do this? That's what makes fear kick in and it makes the unknown feel a little real for this mind of mine.
Just because the future feels a little scary and really unknown doesn’t negate its good. It is so good and worthy every step of the way. But sometimes before we are able to fully step into the next phase we must stop and feel the loss of the past and even sit in the present. Change is hard and there is grief attached to it.
No matter what kind of change we face today, it is still hard. Change is hard. This former season was good and life-changing but this brand new season is going to be just as good, if not better.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
- Douglas Adams