Joyful Anticipation

Year 27.

I didn't really know what to expect for the year 27. My dad asked me on the morning of my birthday if I felt any different. I answered him, "No. I feel pretty much the same." He seemed to think that was normal.

People tell you at 16 that you get to drive. People tell you what to expect when you are 18. It's time to vote. People tell you what to expect when you are 21. It's time to drink. People tell you that when you turn 25, you are a quarter of a century old. (I think that's means you've accomplished something ha.) I was even given lots of instruction on the 26th birthday because, you know, that is the year for getting kicked off your parent's insurance.

They say 18 is when you become an adult, but let's be honest the age of voting and the age of real independence are two very different things. But the year of 27? Very little instruction. I probably won't have much to expect until about 3 years from now.

I decided that I wanted the year of 27 to be something new and different. I'm not really sure what I am envisioning. But I just want it to be something. I know that it is going to contain a bit more courage and adventure. I'm not sure what it will look like, but that's the exciting part.

I decided I was going to live into a word for this next year. Now, I realize a lot of people do this at the beginning of the year on New Year's Day. But I felt like it would be a good idea to do it on my birthday. If that makes me a little bit more selfish, then so be it. I mean my birthday is the the start of something new. It is literally a brand new year, and I'm ready to expect the unexpected in this next year.

Courage

Wisdom

Healing

Settle

These are a few words that first came to mind. Yet none of them quite fit. Although, I'm sure they will be included in different ways in this new year. This is the year that I chose to move to a new city to start a new job and to live on my own for the first time. These words are definitely already being incorporated into my life in this season.

The words that came to mind on the eve before my big birthday were Joyful Anticipation.

Joyful Anticipation.

Now if you're reading this far, then you are probably curious as to what this might mean. Well, I'm glad you kept reading because I'm about to tell you.

If I'm honest, I believe this was the intention I had in December in approaching the new year. I think I had every intention to live this out in the new year. But, unfortunately, that is not what happened. By the time January rolled around, I was really exhausted and weary in grief. The thought of choosing a word to embrace for the next year was just not on my agenda. I had recovered from Shingles in December. A few weeks later, my Granny passed away unexpectedly. In addition to this, my dad and I got sick simultaneously with the same 24 hour bug right before Christmas. I'd say that I was anticipating something. Maybe it was relief. I don't think joy was it. I desired it. I wanted it. But it felt really far from me during this season.

I think I was just anticipating the next page of this chapter to be turned. Do you know what I'm saying? When you're in one of those chapters of a book that just feels never ending and uncomfortable. That uncomfortably building climax and you're just waiting for the happy ending or just some kind of ending. This was the joyful anticipation we all hoped 2020 to be. The page did turn, but it kind of feels like we switched stories. Am I right? Who could have anticipated that masks would be the new line of fashion? Instead of the climax building into a new chapter of a bright future, it turned into a very unknown future. And this did not bring me more joyful anticipation. It actually brought me less. It brought me a bit more fear and anxiety than I would like to admit. And I think I'm still trying to figure out how to overcome it today.

“Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home.”

Lysa TerKeurst

Our story has turned into the world's greatest pandemic called Covid-19. And we are all still awaiting the day when the climax finally falls down into a smoother story. I don't really think anyone quite expected life to be this way. I think a lot of us have grieved and adjusted and just moved on with our lives. I’m starting to believe this is okay.

Needless to say, this year was not at all what I anticipated. It was not all what any of us anticipated. I think that's okay. God is in the business of rewriting stories, and it isn't too late for any of us. It isn't too late for me. I find great joy in the thought that He does that. I like knowing how good God is to us even in our most wandering seasons. It's never too late.

Joyful Anticipation

The meaning of this is “Living each day in full anticipation of what God can do.” God’s goodness is running after us. Are we looking for him in our daily lives? Are we living each day in full anticipation of what God can do? I know I haven’t been.

Sometimes our perspective just needs to be changed. Sometimes I think that our earthly perspective can cloud our understanding and even limit our faith. We can’t always see how God can bring good out of our situation. We tend to set our expectations very low. But, the reality is that God’s plan for us is so much greater than our expectations. And I’m very grateful for that. His version of good is not our version for good. It is much greater! We really need a new perspective. We need God’s perspective. And, for me, that is what this joyful anticipation looks like. If we saw everything in the way that He sees it, maybe we would have a different attitude. Maybe we would live each day in complete anticipation for how God is going to manifest his goodness in our lives. This joyful anticipation can totally change the way we approach each day.

I think joyful anticipation has everything to do with expecting the unexpected. I don't know if that sounds super cliché. But it is true. I can wake up and expect the unexpected. I can invite God into what my day needs to look like. Joy is a gift and a choice. What does this joyful anticipation look like? I don’t want to be controlled by fear. This year is more about choosing to say yes. It is choosing courageous yes’s. It is choosing joy. But it is also about feeling free to say no when something or someone is not serving me well in this season. I don’t want to let fear have too much access in my life. I feel I have been doing that in  these last few months and I just don't want to do that anymore.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This is a season that holds so many things for me. I’m choosing to expect the unexpected. I am joyfully anticipating where God is leading next. I joyfully anticipate what God longs to do in me, whether it is in healing or in re-settling. I am trusting in the joy of new beginnings. This is a brand new year, a new beginning of living and loving and being.

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.

Henri Nouwen

My sister and I exchange letters on our birthdays. We send the same card to each other year after year. And within the card we write about how our year and what we are praying for the other in this next year. It’s really a genius idea. It’s something we look forward to every single birthday, but it is also just a great way for us to remain connected to one another. This year, she wrote to me about how proud she is of my faith and my ambition to follow God no matter what. She wants me to have pride and feel a sense of contentment in where God has placed me. Mostly, she reminded me that I need to be so grateful for the time and season I have to learn about myself and to focus more deeply on God. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. This whole idea of leaning into gratitude. This is so important in our lives as we begin to choose joy in our lives. Joy is a choice and a gift. The choice of joy occurs through the path of gratitude. Both my sister and my best friend have reminded me to be proud of myself and to lean into gratitude in this season.

I am choosing joy through the path of gratitude. I have decided to daily live through Psalm 90 in this season. Psalm 90 is becoming the prayer of my heart as I embrace (and anticipate) each day. As I embrace who I am and whose I am. It has been really refreshing as I enter into each new day that is given me.

If you find yourself in a waiting season, you might want to try it. If you find yourself also just living in the fear of the unknown, I really believe embracing Psalm 90 every single day could be refreshing to you as well. It reminds us that our minutes are limited. It reminds us who is really in control. And it reminds us we have a choice. We can choose to live differently. The way we live and love is a gift and a choice. This is good. This is so beautiful.

She lived joyfully not because her circumstances were joyful but because she was joyful.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Psalm 90:

Lord, you have always been our eternal home, our hiding place from generation to generation. Long before you gave birth to the earth and before the mountains were born, you have been from everlasting to everlasting, the one and only true God.

Help us to remember that our days are numbered, and help us to interpret our lives correctly. Set your wisdom deeply in our hearts so that we may accept your correction. Return to us, O God! Let the sunrise of your love end our dark night. Break through our clouded dawn again! Only you can satisfy our hearts, filling us with songs of joy to the end of our days. We’ve been overwhelmed with grief, come now and overwhelm us with gladness. Replace our years of trouble with decades of delight.

God, I am ready.

God, lead me.

God, let's go.

God is going to do something spectacular in this season and I’m just choosing not to miss out on any of it. Joy is the echo of God's life in us. It is the result of a life well lived with Him, dependent on Him.