To the Not Yet Mothers

Several weeks ago, it was Mother’s Day and I have been thinking about it ever since. I felt like it could be good to share an open letter to those mothers who may be grieving in ways that are not always acknowledged this time of year. I had hoped to have something written by the end of the day on the actual Mother's Day. But, you know, the not yet mothers are grieving every single day outside of the actual holiday. So, maybe it is good that I didn't post it sooner in order to acknowledge the mundane reality of their pain. The mundane pain of my own reality.

Mothers are really special, and I’m so glad to have the mother I do have. I do not appreciate her nearly enough. But I want to declare an appreciation to those women who feel called to motherhood but are not quite there. 

To the single woman.

To the wife in prolonged waiting

To the woman who unexpectedly lost a child

To the women who are enjoying the season of traveling and excitement

To the barren women.

I see you. I hear you. I get it. You are not alone.

Annie F. Downs recently did a sermon about our souls. She talks about what it means for us to love ourselves with our entire soul. She really does a phenomenal job at describing our souls and how important it is to learn to love ourselves well. The way we love ourselves is a way of loving God, and, in turn, showing God’s love to others. 

She asks the question, "How do we love God with all of our souls?" She wants us all to believe that we are made on purpose.

But, I think what I loved the most was how she talks about loving others. She talks about how when the non parent loves the friends' kids, they feel loved too. She expresses how she is in a great position to do that right now. I could absolutely relate to this statement. I see myself as the single friend who could be an aunt to all my friends' kids. Auntie Lexie. I literally just spent a weekend with one of my closest friends loving on her and her little family. I love playing that role because I cherish the nurturing and compassionate gift the Lord has given to me.

A couple months ago, God was showing me how I would be a mother to very many. I have always had the desire to be a mother. This desire has honestly felt stronger while in this stage of life. I think God wants me to know how I will mother in different ways.

I still feel this is a calling that I have even if it isn’t existing for myself right now. On Mother’s day, someone shared something about the spirit of motherhood, and it hit home for me. I also think it hits home for the mothers who are yet to be. 

@courtneyleo:

If I’m being honest, Mother’s Day gets harder and harder every year. It’s the one job and role I’ve wanted my entire life. It’s the thing I dream about and prepare for. It’s the role I celebrated and support so many of my favorite people as they thrive in it. With every year of waiting that passes, I try everything to not let my heart sink knowing it’s another year of “not yet.” If you’re in this waiting season with me, even if it may look slightly different, know you’re not alone. I see you and I’m in it with you. 

Six years ago, an incredible mother and voice in my life said to me, “Courtney, you are called as a mother. It’s who you are. And callings don’t have a start date. While there aren’t babies who call you mom yet, you embody the spirit of motherhood with every relationship, ministry and project your hand is on. The spirit of motherhood is in the 2 am phone calls you pick up, the unbaked cookie dough in the fridge, the kids who get the chance to be spoiled by you, the scripture and life that will come out of your mouth, the encouragement that you share. Carry the spirit of motherhood in all you do.” 

Carry the spirit of motherhood in all you do.

I'm choosing to carry the spirit of motherhood in every relationship, ministry and opportunity that my hand is on. I have an opportunity to carry the spirit of motherhood through celebrating and supporting others and living loved in all things. And I choose to embrace this calling by being the best dog mama that I can be because that is what is this season holds for me.

Here's to every incredible small group leader, mentor, aunt, and dog mom. No matter what your 'status' today, I encourage you to continue to carry the spirit of motherhood. Don't let your hope die. Be present. Stay present. You are valued and appreciated for who you are today. I'm here and I'm in your corner.

You are not alone.

(Note: Or maybe those who are okay with not being mothers and do not desire to have children. I see you and it's totally okay. I'm with you. Whatever season you are in, you are important. You are loved.).